I was wrong when I read that the Major League Baseball (MLB) team the Texas Rangers was going to change its name. That was an editorial urging by an editor of the Washington Post.
But the time has come for a new name for many MLB teams as we witness increased social awareness, political correctness and experience micro-aggressions of all types.
So here are my ideas for new MLB names and why. Let’s start with the Texas Rangers.
1—Texas Rangers: Yes the name smacks of oppression and historic wrongs. Therefore it must be resigned to the dustbin of history. Instead the team could be The Alamo. But that might evoke anger from Mexicans or Latinos of Mexican origin.
The Texas Longhorns has a nice ring to it. Unless the University of Texas wants to get into a dispute about the name. However, now that the University of Texas is going to rename its football field the school should be willing to relinquish the Longhorns motto, too.
2—Cleveland Indians, Cincinnati Reds and Atlanta Braves: These three teams should follow the lead of the NFL Redskins and scratch the labels that denigrate Native Americans. Instead each city should highlight something the community is famous for.
Atlanta boasts the childhood home of Woodrow Wilson but we won’t even go there. And is the birthplace of Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Atlanta King would work for now but require some defense in the future against those who would confuse the name with imperial hegemony.
I like Cincinnati Vision after that city’s famous observatory.
As for Cleveland, it’s difficult to find something memorable to elevate. But the USS Cod Submarine Memorial comes to mind. Let’s rename the team either the Cleveland Cod (nice alliteration) of The Sea.
3—Milwaukee Brewers: A name that honors the makers of alcoholic beverages is sure to evoke the wrath of those who worry about alcoholism and drug abuse. But the typewriter was invented there. Lots of possibilities here. The Milwaukee Keys is the type of name I like.
4—Pittsburgh Pirates: No need to explain why this name should be buried at sea. The NFL Steelers, I’m sure, will soon adopt Bridges as its new label. Perhaps the Pirates could go with The Rivers since so many of them flow through the City of Bridges.
5—New York Mets: It’s not clear what Mets stands for. But given the poor performance of the team lately few people are paying attention anyway.
6—Philadelphia Phillies: It sounds silly and uncreative given how much history surrounds the city. The team could be Philadelphia Independence or Philadelphia Liberty. Both have a nice ring.
7—Washington Nationals: The original name seems logical but today it hints at superiority and possible exclusion. Unless the DC (soon to be a state?) structures are razed in the near future, let’s go with Washington Monuments.
8—Los Angeles Dodgers: I doubt that anyone knows what a dodger is. But it sounds sneaky, shifty, and not trustful. LA has lots to be proud of (or once did). I think we can get away with Los Angeles Stars.
9—San Diego Padres and St. Louis Cardinals: Catholicism is not the preeminent religion in America. And in our universal search for names acceptable to all we must be inclusive. Therefore, either San Diego Embrace or San Diego Cluster should do it.
Yes, yes, I know. The Cardinals would have us think that they are the bird. But we’re not so sure. It would be better to set the Cardinal free and rename the squad The Arch.
10—New York Giants: We addressed this in our look at the NFL. If the baseball and football teams want to continue to share, it can also be called The Orchard as we suggested for the Big Apple football team.
11—Kansas City Royals: This discriminates against socio-economic classes who view royalty as elitist aristocratic nobility. It has no place in our America. There is room for all us on an equal footing. So with the rich musical heritage of KC, the team can share its name The Jazz with the NFL New Orleans Jazz. If not, then Kansas City Meats or Barbecue is food for thought.
12—New York Yankees: This term is as offensive to Southern Confederalists as confederate statues and flags are to Northerners. Assuming that the Statue of Liberty will remain upright for some time, the Yankees should become The Liberty.
13—Los Angeles Angels: Let’s pray this team sees the light and learns that Angels may be too associated with Christianity. If the team has its heart and soul set on a religious theme then The Worship gets our blessing.
14—Seattle Mariners: Mariners evokes images of seagoing, marauding plunderers of peaceful ocean sojourners. It’s also sexist by the way. The team should get the point that this name should be swept aside in favor of the most notable tourist attraction (No, not Bill Gates) The Needle.
Now I think we are ready for a level playing field this Major League Baseball season.