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Football Selection Committee drools over Alabama: The True Story

INTERIOR OF PLUSH HOTEL MEETING ROOM. DAY.

NURSES and MEDICAL PERSONNEL help a fuzzy-minded MALE geriatric gaggle find the conference table. NURSES affix Post-It notes to the 13 MEN’S wrinkled foreheads reminding them who they are and why they’re here.

COMMITTEE MEMBER-1

“The New York Yankees get my vote.”

 

NURSE whispers

“This is about football, Sir. Not baseball.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-2

“Heads up, guys. The nation depends

on us to make the right decision.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-3

“Yes, it’s about national security.

We should nuke North Korea.”

 

NURSE whispers

“This is about football, Sir. Not North Korea.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-4

“I agree with Number 2. Let’s support

this tax bill.”

 

NURSE whispers

“This is about football, Sir. Not the Congress.”

 

HOTEL STAFF exchanges worried looks.

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-5

“Gentlemen, we have to pick

four names.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-6

“I like Betty. Is she your nurse?

She’s a looker.”

 

NURSE growls

“That’s inappropriate, Sir.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-6 wearing earphones and listening to country music

“I remember something about

Alabama.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-7 tuned to the same music.

“Yes, that rings a bell.

Alabama and someone else.”

 

HOTEL STAFF passes note to the NURSES

 

NURSE reads note and whispers

“You are supposed to vote for Clemson, Sir.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-7

“Is that a girl’s name?”

 

Frustrated NURSE whispers

“Just say Clemson, Sir.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-8

“Clemson, Sir.”

 

HOTEL STAFF

“Is this a joke?”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-9

“Ok, we have Clemson.

Is there another name?”

 

NURSE looks at hotel note and whispers

“I vote for Oklahoma.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-9

“My nurse votes for Oklahoma.”

 

HOTEL STAFF groans and orders drinks from the bar.

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-9 turns to nurse.

“That’s a funny name, Oklahoma.”

 

NURSE rolls her eyes, looks at the hotel note

“Uh…my name is Georgia, Sir.”

 

HOTEL STAFF tries to stifle laugh

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-10 smiles

“I like you, Georgia.”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-11

“I like, Georgia, too”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-12 counting his pills

“What are these names here?

 

HOTEL STAFF swallows extra-strength pain medicine.

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-13

“My nurse says Oklahoma, Clemson, Georgia, Alabama and…and…(DOZES OFF TO SLEEP)

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-1

“What about the Yankees?”

 

COMMITTEE MEMBER-6 smiles at his nurse.

“I still like, Betty.”

 

NURSE turns to other MEDICAL PERSONNEL

“I think we’re done here.”

 

MEDICAL STAFF wheels 13 male geriatric gaggle out of the room.

HOTEL STAFF-1

“Is this really how these….uh…guys choose the final football four every year?

 

HOTEL STAFF-2

“Yup, that’s it.  They hear only Alabama Sunset on their

earphones and repeat the name.   No thinking required.

 

SPORTSCASTER

“This just in the Selection Committee

has announced the four teams

that will play for the national championship.

The are Clemson, Oklahoma, Georgia…

and Alabama.

 

SECOND SPORTSCASTER

“I think these are the most deserving teams.

The committee once against demonstrated

its wisdom of placing Alabama in the

final four.”

 

WIDESHOT INTERIOR OF HOTEL MEETING ROOM

MUSIC: Alabama Sundown by Dolly Parton

FADE TO BLACK AND MUSIC DOWN UNDER


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