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Coffee buddy John’s view of the news

“Hey, guys, what’s app,” smiles waitress Beverly as we sit at our usual table.”

“Clever,” I smile.

“Uh…hmm,” mumbles John distractedly.

“Yeah, and equally smart are today’s two coffee special,” continues Beverly. “Two I repeat—two. Kauai and Molokai from Hawaii.”

“Aloha,” I intone approvingly.

(JUKE BOX BEGINS TO PLAY) “Rolled out this morning,’ kids had the morning news show on…”

“Yeah, whatever,” John utters.

“Why so chipper, Brother John,” Beverly inquires.

“You know. Some media are focused on whether America will go to war against North Korea,” John quickly gulps his Molokai.

(JUKEBOX) “Bryant Gumbel was talkin’ ‘bout the fighting in Lebanon…”

 “Certainly a war of words between the Tin-pot and The Donald,” I agree as I sip my Kauai.

“Other publications seem obsessed about professional athletes who don’t stand and salute the flag during our national anthem,” John proceeds undeterred.

 “Oh, say can you see…” Beverly begins to hum standing erect as she places the hot coffee pot in her right hand carelessly on her left breast. “Ouch, that isn’t cool!”

“And then there are news organizations that focus on collusion between companies that pay university coaches to steer their young players to preferred marketing companies,” John grumbles.

“Not very sporting,” I shake my head.

“But none of that is important,” swallows quickly.  The news people are missing the real stories!”

“Ok, I’ll bite,” Beverly says as she brings two cinnamon rolls and sits down with us. “Hit me.”

(JUKEBOX) “We sure could use a little good news today…”

“Look right here,” John shows his cellphone. “Scientists have come up with a new shoe that can help your back.

“That’s a step in the right direction,” I contribute as I take a bite of one roll.”

“Well, I certainly have a heavy load waiting on your two,” Beverly rubs her lower spine.

“What about all these animal rights stories?” John gesticulates. “Like this dispute about a monkey that was denied legal protection for a selfie it took?

“Sounds like a violation of the Primate Directive,” Beverly winks.

“Nice one, Captain Kirk,” I say as we exchange high fives.”

“Beverly, here’s news about tiny robots placed on food that can cure ulcers after you eat. You might consider that here,” John smirks. “It was tested on mice.”

“The next cinnamon roll you get from me may have something else on it from a mouse, wise guy.”

“Hm, maybe I better check,” as I pull out my cellphone and scan my roll. “This new app tests how nutritious food is.”

“Now that you mention it, I did hear about ways to make alcohol out of thin air,” Beverly ponders the possibility.

“See, now you’re talkin’,” smiles John and slowly drinks his coffee. “That would really draw in customers here.”

“Yes, and it would be a necessary mood adjustment when you come in.”

“Whoa, time out!” John and I exclaim at the same time and exchange looks as Beverly laughs.

(JUKEBOX) “Just once how I’d like the headline say, not much to print today, can’t find nothin’ bad to say, because…”

To be continued…

 

 


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