“Good morning, boys,” waitress Beverly cheerfully greets us with a large pot of coffee ready to pour. “Our pre-April First special today is an interesting concoction from India called Monsoon Malabar.”
“No joke, give it a try,” as she fills my cup.
“I’ve been swamped lately so I’ll bite,” I agree.
“Uh…no thanks…just bring me some hot water,” John requests. “I’ll make my own with this new app.”
“Excuse me, buster,” Beverly responds testily.
“Yes, this program let’s me use the Internet to turn plain water into the color and taste of a drink I want.”
(A FEW SECOND LATER) “Eureka!” exclaims John. “Here it is.”
“John, that color looks disgustingly like p…”
“Wait,” I stop Beverly, “Let’s see what happens.”
“Yuck!” John gags. “This is terrible! It must be the damn app!”
“Believe me I’ve felt your pain. I’ve wanted to smash my computer and smart phone many times,” I note.
“Now you can,” Beverly informs as she replaces John’s water with a cup of Monsoon Malabar.
“What?” questions John as he savors the new brew. “Uh..this IS much better.”
“Yeah, scientists now can crush discarded electronics and use the left over dust for something else,” Beverly adds as she sits at our table.
“Hey, I think that’s against the law,” I suggest. “I read where certain electronics like robots have human rights.”
“Human rights?” doubts John. “Robots have artificial intelligence. They aren’t alive. They exist only to help us—real people!”
“I agree with John. For example Elon Musk is working on ways hook humans up to computers to boost our intelligence.”
“Musk? Isn’t he that spacey guy whose rockets keep exploding?” I snark. “And what about those programs that now allow people to read your thoughts and move your hands against your will? That’s not helping anyone!”
“Well, I can already read John’s mind and he knows how my hand would respond,” Beverly winks and refills our cups.
(JOHN BLUSHES) “Hey, I’m the victim of fake news. You can’t believe any of that!”
“Relax, John,” I answer reassuringly, “There’s a vaccine against fake news so you can relax.”
“A fake news vaccine, really?”
“Take heart, John,” Beverly rubs John’s hand soothingly. “You’re among friends here.”
“Speaking of hearts, before we smash our laptops, smart phones and TV remotes, I think we should test the Popeye app,” I suggest comically.”
“Right, researchers have found a way to turn spinach into human hearts. So Popeye was right after all when he gulped down cans of the vegetable for super strength. So we should let John download that app and see if he can turn water into spinach that materializes on his plate. We’ll need strong hearts to face tomorrow’s April Fools Day jokes.”
“I have a better idea,” Beverly suggests as she stands up and removes our cups and saucers. “Let’s see him materialize a big tip on this table.”
“Wait…!” John shouts.
“Yes, that would be an apt app,” I smile.