1—SINISTER MUSIC FULL

 

2—OFFICE INT. NIGHT. MIXTURE OF RAIN AND SNOW POUNDING WINDOWS

 

3—SEVERAL PERSONS sitting around a large office table as RUSSIAN WAITRESS removes place setting and fills four shot glasses.

 

4—MUSIC FADES

 

DISSOLVE TO

 

5—CLOSE UP of faces of persons at the table. Heavyset sinister looking man COMRADE NUMBER ONE picks up a Cuban cigar, leans back in his leather chair and smiles. His aide, FLUNKOVETCH lights the cigar and fills COMRADE NUMBER ONE’s shot glass with Russian vodka.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Ну, г-н SNOWBALL, как же ваш насладиться прекрасной русской кухни и вино?”

(“Well, Mr. SNOWBALL, how did your enjoy our fine Russian cuisine and wine?”)

 

6—Bookish young man with glasses and slightly arrogant smile responds.

 

SNOWBALL

“It was delicious. I enjoy your hospitality.”

 

7—TRANSLATOR next to SNOWBALL gives loose translation to COMRADE NUMBER ONE.

 

8—COMRADE NUMBER ONE nods knowingly, leans forward, lifts his shot of vodka, and proposes a toast, then motions to FLUNKOVETCH to fill the other glasses.

 

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Вот к матушке России!”

(“Here’s to Mother Russia!”)

 

9—COMRADE NUMBER ONE motions to FLUNKOVETCH refill the four glasses.

10—COMRADE NUMBER ONE leaning back in his chair, savoring the vodka, takes a long puff from his Cuban cigar.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Мистер. Snowball вы были в России в течение трех лет в защитном лоне Матери России, который сохранил вас в безопасности от капиталиста американских властей, которые хотят, чтобы отправить вас в тюрьму за измену “.

(“Mr. SNOWBALL you’ve been in Russia for three years now in the protective bosom of Mother Russia, who has kept you safe and secure from the Capitalist American authorities who want to send you to prison for treason.”)

 

11—Mr. SNOWBALL nods again, shifting in his chair but looking a little less comfortable.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Мы очень рады, что вы с нами. Но для нашей дружбы и впредь мы имеем “услугу” просить “.

(“We are happy to have you with us. But for our friendship to continue we have a “favor” (HANDQUOTES) to ask.”)

TRANSLATOR whispers in SNOWBALLS ear.

“This is what…how do you Americans say it…an offer you can’t refuse.”

 

12—SNOWBALL begins to perspire slightly and wipes his upper lip.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Мы все были поражены с вашей работой в АНБ и как вы просочились секретные документы. Мы хотели бы видеть больше “.

(“We were all impressed with your work at the NSA and how you leaked secret documents. We’d like to see more.”)

 

13—SNOWBALL uncertain what COMRADE NUMBER ONE is asking.

 

SNOWBALL

“Uh…you want me to find more NSA records?”

 

14—COMRADE NUMBER ONE laughs loudly and quickly downs a second glass of vodka. The others around the table quickly catch the hint, laugh and drink in imitation.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Нет, у нас есть гораздо более интересную работу. Это американский госсекретарь г-жа надменный сделала очень глупость. Можете ли вы представить себе, что она использует свой собственный сервер электронной почты вместо безопасного правительства одного. Так глупо. И мы хотим, чтобы вы рассказали нам все о них “.

(“No, we have a much more interesting job. That American Secretary of State Mrs. HAUGHTY has done a very silly thing. Can you imagine, she uses her own email server instead of a secure government one? So foolish. And we want you to tell us all about them.”)

 

15—SNOWBALL now feeling the full effects of the Vodka and catching the drift of the conversation.

 

SNOWBALL clearing his throat

“I’m…uh…I’m not sure I want..or….can do that, sir.”

TRANSLATOR shaking his head.

“Try that sentence again. I suggest you begin with the word ‘How.’”

SNOWBALL nervously.

“How…what exactly are you looking for…sir?”

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Г-жа. Надменный хочет быть следующим американским президентом капиталистическая, и мы знаем все, что остановит ее “.

(“Mrs. HAUGHTY wants to be the next American capitalist president and we know everything that will stop her.”)

SNOWBALL sweating more profusely.

“I think that might be illegal.”

 

16–COMRADE NUMBER ONE erupts in laughter and motions for another round of vodka for everyone.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Вы пересекли этот мост уже давно, г-н SNOWBALL. Теперь мы просто выяснение условий вашего оставшегося пребывания с медведица “.

(“You crossed that bridge a long time ago, Mr. SNOWBALL. Now we are just clarifying the conditions of your remaining stay with Mother Bear.”)

 

SNOWBALL

“But…”

TRANSLATOR whispers.

“Don’t even try.”

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Мы также очень любопытно об электронной почте и документам, что … то, что вы называете это … осел партия?”

(“We also are very curious about the email and documents of that…what do you call it…Donkey Party?”)

 

SNOWBALL

“Well, that won’t be easy to do.”

 

17—COMRADE NUMBER ONE’s smile disappears, he crushes his Cuban Cigar, chugs a another glass of Vodka, leans forward and says slowly.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Я понимаю, что у вас не было шанса увидеть все нашей прекрасной России в течение ваших лет с нами. Может быть, вы устали от Москвы. Позвольте мне предположить, что мы могли бы предоставить вам поездку после Donkey конвенции к “опыт” уникальные качества нашей зимы Сибири “.

(“I understand that you’ve not had a chance to see all of our wonderful Russia during your years with us. Perhaps you have become tired of Moscow. Let me suggest that we might provide you with a trip after the Donkey Convention to ‘experience’ the unique qualities of our Siberia winter.”)

 

SNOWBALL slumps in his chair.

“The Americans will all know I did it. My name will be in all the newspapers and on TV.”

 

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE shakes his head.

“О, как наивны и доверчивы вы американцы. Осел партии и их либеральные лакеи будут думать, что это сюжет этой GUPPIE партии и BUSY БИЗНЕСМЕН волосатая. Никто не будет даже упоминать ваше имя “.

(“Oh how naïve and gullible you Americans are. The Donkey Party and their liberal lackeys will think it’s a plot by that GUPPIE party and the BUSHY HAIRED BUSINESSMAN. No one will even mention your name.”)

 

18—SNOWBALL begins to speak but TRANSLATOR touches SNOWBALL earnestly.

 

TRANSLATOR

“Just say thank you and I’ll get started right away. You really, really, really don’t want to visit Siberia.”

 

19—After TRANSLATOR conveys the suggested answer, COMRADE NUMBER ONE nods, smiles broadly, and proposes a final toast.

 

COMRADE NUMBER ONE

“Желаю вам насладиться отдыхом Вашего пребывания … в Москве, г-н SNOWBALL. Да здравствует Мать Россия! “

(“May you enjoy the rest of your stay…in Moscow, Mr. SNOWBALL. Long live Mother Russia!”)

 

20—Everyone repeats “Long Live Mother Russia” with a final swallow of vodka.

 

SNOWBALL in slurred words to translator

“Do you think…uh…that maybe…life in a U.S. prison would be better than…”

 

TRANSLATOR with forced smile

“Just grin and bear it.”

 

21—WIDE SHOT OFFICE. NIGHT AS SINISTER MUSIC RISES

22—FADE TO BLACK AND MUSIC FADES

23—AGAINST BLACK SCREEN APPEARS

To be continued…

 23—FADE OUT