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The Real Art of the Deal: Trump-Clinton Conspiracy

1—SINISTER MUSIC FULL

 

2—OFFICE INT. NIGHT. RAIN POUNDING WINDOWS

 

3—SEVERAL PERSONS sitting around a large office table as WAITRESS pours drinks and removes place setting

 

4—MUSIC FADES

 

DISSOLVE TO

 

5—CLOSE UP of faces of persons at the table.

 

BUSHY HAIRED BUSINESSMAN begins to speak slowly as SEVERAL LAWYERS lean forward to take notes. HAUGHTY with serious expression. BUBBA watching WAITRESS leave room.

 

BUSINESSMAN

There is no way you can become president,

HAUGHTY, with your trustworthy ratings.

They’re awful. Absolutely terrible. The worst

I’ve ever seen.

 

LAWYERS nod heads in unison.

 

HAUGHTY

I want to be the first lady president.

BUBBA (staring at waitress)

She certainly has my vote.

Ouch!   (Kicked by HAUGHTY)

 

BUSINESSMAN

After eight years of the Democrat president

Americans will vote Republican. They want change.

HAUGHTY

I’ll be the first lady president. That will be a change.

 

LAWYERS shake heads in unison.

 

BUSINESSMAN

Americans don’t trust you. They don’t

trust BUBBA.

 BUBBA

Wait a minute. I have high ratings…

HAUGHTY

This is all about me. It’s my turn.

 

BUSINESSMAN

I’m the master of the deal. Here’s why

you’ll lose. It will be a terrible loss.

Awful loss. Worst in American history.

 

LAWYERS begin to smile

 

BUSINESSMAN

BUBBA and MUPPET.  People don’t forget.

 

LAWYERS nod heads

 

BUBBA

Ouch!

 

BUSINESSMAN

You claim you two were dead broke

when you left the White House. No

one believes that. Awful lie. Just the worst!

 

LAWYERS shake heads

 

HAUGHTY

We had to start over after he…

(stares at BUBBA)

 

 BUSINESSMAN

Your term as New York Senator was

terrible. Worst I’ve ever seen. I didn’t

even vote for you. And I was a Democrat then!

 

LAWYERS nod heads

 

HAUGHTY

But when I was Secretary of State and…

 

LAWYERS and BUBBA moan

 

BUSINESSMAN

Benghazi and your email, HAUGHTY.

Bad, bad, bad. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

 

LAWYERS and BUBBA nod heads

 

HAUGHTY

Voters don’t care about that. I want to be

the first lady president.

 

 

BUSINESSMAN

Wake up, HAUGHTY. People don’t like you.

Why do you think SNIPPET is getting so

many young Democrats to vote for him in

the primaries?  And he’s a communist!

HAUGHTY (folding her arms)

That old coot. How dare he challenge me!

It’s my turn to be the first lady president.

 

BUSINESSMAN

You’ll never win without my help. You

should read my book “Trump: The Art of the Deal.”

It’s a terrific book! I’m a great businessman,

I have a great company. Just wonderful, wonderful.

 

LAWYERS slap their hands over their mouths

 

HAUGHTY

You can help? How in the world…

 

BUSINESSMAN

I’ll run for president as a Republican,

get the nomination. And you’ll be

elected president.

 

LAWYERS look at each other and gasp

 

BUBBA

I think my hearing aids died. What did he say again?

 

BUSINESSMAN

I’m famous. I’m rich. I’m a TV star.

I’ll grab all the attention and none

of the other candidates will get any

news coverage. The competition will

disappear. It will be great. Just great!

 

BUBBA

I did like that his show. Especially the

one with… Ouch! (rubbing his leg)

 

HAUGHTY

You can’t be serious. Voters want

a qualified candidate. You don’t have

any political experience. You don’t

have any policy ideas. What do you believe in?

 

LAWYERS nod heads

 

BUSINESSMAN (laughs)

Oh, HAUGHTY, HAUGHTY. You just

don’t get it. People want America

to be great again. They are tired of

politicians, tired of the bad economy,

afraid of immigrants and terrorism.

they want an outsider. Who’s more

outside than me?

 

 

 HAUGHTY

Do you think we could really pull this off?

 

 

BUSINESSMAN

Now there’s the conspiratorial,

take-no-prisoners HAUGHTY I know

and love.

 

LAWYERS look at each other in disbelief

 

HAUGHTY

I like it. I like it a lot. But we can never tell anyone about this.

BUSINESSMAN

By the time I win the nomination no one

will believe anything I say. And…and…

HAUGHTY you will be…

 

 

HAUGHTY (smiling)

I’ll be the first lady U.S. president!

(pumping her fist)

 

BUBBA

What about me? What about me?

 

 

HAUGHTY (cheerfully)

Don’t worry. I know exactly what

to do with you.

 

LAWYERS drop heads to the table as BUSINESSMAN, HAUGHTY, and BUBBA raises their glasses in a toast.

6—WIDE SHOT OFFICE. NIGHT AS SINISTER MUSIC RISES

7—FADE TO BLACK AND MUSIC FADES

 

 


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