“John, you look a little…uh…different this morning,” I observed diplomatically from our usual café table.
“I had to go to the bathroom quickly before I left home.”
“No wonder you look flushed,” Beverly smiled as she brought two cups of the daily coffee special. “It’s Jampit from Java.”
“A good choice. I was afraid to use the javapit here,” John explained.
“It’s Jampit from Java,” Beverly spelled. J-a-m-p-i-t…Jampit!”
JUKEBOX BEGINS: “I love coffee, I love tea…”
“Speaking of pits, why didn’t you just use the café john, John,” I suggested.
“I know who’d be in there. You, know all this bathroom crap these days,” John shook his head.
“I’d be’p… off,’ too, if I had a choose a bathroom now,”Beverly used signaling quotation marks.
“I love the java jive and it loves me…”
“Don’t you have that chicken mood lighting in the facilities to soothe worries?” I remembered from our last coffee time.
“Nah, we had to change it, too many people were ”
“Men, women, transgender walking into any comfort station they want?” John shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not ready to follow the flow.”
“Oh slip me a slug from the wonderful mug…”
“It’s transgender equality,” I clarified. “Some people want to use a bathroom according to their gender not their sex.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to share a bathroom with a woman,” John insisted.
“And there’s no way I’d want to be in a restroom with John…uh…you know what I mean,” Beverly and John exchange an awkward glance.
“Shoot the pot and I’ll pour me a shot…”
“Moving on,” I hastened. “You can save lots of money with only one bathroom.
“Really? I’m not privy to that,” Beverly poured refills. “Keep talking, I want to see where this stream is going.”
“Tear out the urinals, replace them with toilets inside individual stalls with doors, and require patrons to get a key from you,” I enlightened.
“Well, I don’t get your drift. I still don’t want to see any woman..uh…transgender person coming into the room when I’m doing my daily duties. ”
“I agree. This potty parity has gone too far,” Beverly argued.
(WOMAN ENTERS CAFÉ)
“Excuse, may I use your restroom?”
“Sure, both are just down the hall. Turn left to find the ladies room.”
“No thank you, I prefer the men’s bathroom.”
“Heads up,” I whisper. “Here we go.”
“Drop a nickel in the pot, Joe. Takin’ it slow…”