“John, is that you under that…what do you call it?” asked our waitress Beverly.
“It’s a Chullo… a traditional hat worn by the Quechua of Peru,” John whispered.
“And it’s on your head because…” I ventured cautiously.
“I’m hiding from the PAC men.”
“PAC man?” Beverly queried playfully. “ Why are you afraid? That video game died decades ago.”
“No, no, not the video game! I’m afraid of the PACs…those Political Action Committees that are after my vote,” John looked around nervously.
“Too bad. I really like that Super Marco. I’m game for him. He’s cute,” Beverly commented as she filled our cups with the daily coffee special Cauvery Peak from India.
“I think it was Super Mario,” I corrected. “But anyway, John, you surely don’t believe that some PAC can actually buy an election?
Yes I do. They let America’s rich pour millions into presidential campaigns! Just look at Jeb Bush.”
“I’d much rather keep an eye on my Super Marco,” Beverly suggested as she refilled our cups.
“You don’t understand how dangerous these campaign are now that the Supreme Court decided to let people donate unlimited amounts of money for their candidates!”
“It’s true that the Citizens United opinion changed the campaign rules. But all that money won’t win elections,” I argued.
“Of course it will,” John rebutted. “The candidates can raise millions of dollars for their campaigns. Money for TV and radio advertising, chartered planes, and political rallies. I get robocalls every night asking for my support!”
“And how much money have you received so far for your vote?” Beverly questioned. “How many dollars have actually landed in your pocket from these PACs?”
“Why nothing. But the point is…”
“Beverly, is right,” I joined. “Every presidential candidate has a PAC or Super PAC to raise money to help them get out their message. But none of that money goes to the candidates themselves.”
“And you’re not going to get a penny either,” Beverly added.”
“But it’s millions and millions of dollars! Look at how much Hillary Clinton has raised!”
“Yes, and the money helps her Correct the Record about the USA Action she advocates,” I said.
“And Jeb Bush believes in everyone’s Right to Rise and he needs money to get that message across,” Beverly observed.
“Still so much money means too many candidates!”
“It’s true there are many voices in the race, which is why Ben Carson needs a PAC to get that One Vote,” I stressed.
“With his standing in the polls, he’ll need more than one,” John lamented.
“Well, Chris Christie claims he knows how America Leads and how to get there,” Beverly projected.
“Not if voters have to cross that bridge he closed in New Jersey,” John objected.
“If Ted Cruz wants to Keep the Promise, he’ll need lots of cash,” Beverly calculated.
“Speaking of promises, what about Rick Perry’s pledge of Opportunity and Freedom?” I wondered.”
“No matter how much money they raise, that’s a big gamble with those two Texans.”
“With all these dudes in the race,” Beverly snickered, “why do you think Carly Fiorina needs big bucks to persuade voters it’s Carly for America?”
“Hm…but does lots of money mean she’ll be tough enough for the job?” John pondered.
“That’s sexist!” Beverly retorted as she grabbed John’s cup out of his hand. “Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she can’t stand up to Lindsey Graham’s claim that Security is Strength!”
“No, I didn’t mean it that way…” John looked pleadingly for more coffee.
“Look, the reality is it takes money these days to Pursue America’s Greatness as Mike Huckabee wants,” I preached.
“That for sure,” Beverly eyed John suspiciously. “Whether you can Believe Again in Bobby Jindal or think that Martin O’Malley is the man to move our Generation Forward.”
“So it’s really expensive to spread the word, I guess,” John softened.
“Absolutely. And if you’re Rick Santorum, you’ll need more than Patriot Voices to get this country Working Again,” Beverly commented while holding the coffee carafe teasingly close to John.
“Right, this really is a New Day for America as John Kasich claims,” I seconded. “And candidates like Rick Scott are Unintimidated in asking for money for their candidacy and for Our America Revival.”
“Did you really say unintimidated?” Beverly critiqued.
“Maybe all this money for presidential campaigns isn’t so bad after all as long as I can still make up my own mind,” John acquiesced as Beverly relented and poured his refill. “I just got too excited.”
“And I can sure get excited about Super Marco Rubio and his Conservative Solutions,” Beverly gushed.
“Well, since no PAC man or woman is going to actually give me any money to vote, I can relax. Speaking of conservative solutions,” John alerted as he handed me the bill, “mine is to let you pick up the tab. And you can leave a big tip, too.”