“Damn,” expleted John as he stared scornfully at his laptop. “This is nonsense!”
“Are you overdrawn at the bank again?” waitress Beverly worried. “Maybe I shouldn’t give you our Java Arabica if you’re a deadbeat.”
“Just leave the pot,” I consoled. “I’ll pay for him…as usual.”
“No, no, no!’ John frustrated. “It’s this controversy over the Washington Redskins football team. Some folks think the name is offensive!”
“I can’t imagine why,” Beverly savored the moment. “It does denigrate an ethnic group.”
“But I think, John has a point,” I opposed. “Would you want the rename the team the Washington Congress?”
“That’s right,” John agreed. “It would insult everyone who actually accomplishes something.”
“Exactamundo,” I exuberated as I swallowed slowly and sensually.
“But the other NFL football names are just as discriminatory,” Beverly struck a challenging pose.
“Like what,” John replied in surprise.
“The Green Bay Packers for one. It eulogizes factory workers but excludes other members of society,” Beverly challenged. “Why not the Green Bay Dairy Farmers since the fans love cheese?”
“I don’t think…” I began.
“And the Cleveland Browns.” Beverly euphemized. “That’s just plain racist!”
“Uh…you think browns means…”
“Look, if you get rid of the Redskins, the Dallas Cowboys have to go to,” I shook my head.
“Here we go, next it will be the Kansas City Chiefs because…OMG…we can’t alienate the warriors by having only chiefs!” John grumbled.
“The New Orleans Saints should be sent to purgatory because they offend atheists,” Beverly proselytized as she refilled our cups. “And we can defrock the Cardinals, too.”
“I thought the Cardinals were birds?” John chirped confusedly.
“Then we should banish the Patriots because they might ‘anger’ (I make the quotation symbol) those who think America is not just about Northern American values.”
“While we’re at it, let’s just knock off the Steelers because they promote crime,” John adjudicated.
“Uh…I think the spelling of Steelers means…”
“Speaking of crime, someone should speak out against the Buccaneers, Vikings and Raiders,” Beverly thrust. “They don’t exactly promote peace and love.”
“According to your reasoning then we can’t use Titans because they exploit the working class and the Giants are a no-no because we don’t glorify short people?” John rose in heightened sarcasm.
“And you would scratch the 49rs because…” I explored.
“Because they denuded the earth in their plunder for riches,” Beverly prodded.
“Speaking of riches, then the Chargers have to go because they promote credit card abuse,” John clutched his wallet.
“I’m pretty certain Chargers is not a financial term,” I deposited.
“Speaking of which, here is your check, boys,” Beverly smiled.
John and I exchanged looks then remarked in unison.
“And we’re offended by the term, boys. It’s sexist!”