“Oh, ouch!” I groan with my face buried in my hands.

“Ugh, this is awful!” moans John as he rubs his forehead vigorously.

“Whoa, boys!” our waitress Beverly interrupts patting our shoulders sympathetically.  “You look and sound terrible.”

“Thanks for your encouragement,” I mutter sarcastically.

“What’s the matter?”  Beverly replies as she places her hand on her hip and stiffens  defiantly.

“This….this….this damn BCS championship,” John complains.  “It’s terrible.  It doesn’t make any sense.  And we’ve been trying to fix it.”

“Oh, that BS football series I’ve heard about,”  Beverly acknowledges still holding a full pot of coffee but not indicating any willingness to share.

“No, it’s the BCS…BCS,” John explains painfully.

“Yeah, that Bogus Championship Series,” I elaborate uncomfortably.  “And I could really, really use some strong coffee right now,” I looked pleadingly at Beverly.

“Time out, Guys,” Beverly walks away and returns quickly with cups and another coffee pot.  “Here try this Brazilian Santos since you’re discussing football.  “Maybe a reminder of next year’s World Cup will put you in a better mood.”

“Thanks for the Brazilian brew, Bev,” John alliterates.  “But fixing this BCS crap is harder than negotiating the U.S. budget or the national debt.”

“Come on, man up you two,”  Beverly challenges.  “What exactly is the issue?”

FOLLOWING JOHN’S EXPLANATION:

“That’s all?  Heck, I can fix that for you,” Beverly shakes her head and refills our cups.

“How?  You don’t know anything about football,” I doubt.

“True. But I majored in science in college remember.  I can do the math,” Beverly pulls up a chair.  “First, how many football teams are there?”

John and I exchange looks.  “Uh, well, there are 119 Division-1 schools…” John begins.

“Those are the 11 Division-1A conferences but doesn’t include the 15 Division-1AA conferences,” I expand.

“OK, you’ve got a total of 26 conferences, right?” Beverly scribbles on my napkin.

“Well, yes…”

“But you have to remember the 35 post-season bowl games every year,”  John grumbles still rubbing his head.

“Não problema, rapazes. That’s Portuguese for ‘No problem, guys,'” Beverly winks.  “How many games does each team play to win the conference title?”

“OK, everyone has a 12-game season then the better teams go to one of the 35 bowl games if they win at least 6 games,” I refill my cup from the Brazilian Santos pot on our table.

“What?” Beverly sits up and stares at both of us.  “You mean mediocre teams with only a 6-6 season can play in a bowl game?  No wonder you two have headaches.  Here’s what you change.  I’ll show you.”

We three huddle over a pile of napkins.

Ten minutes later Beverly leaves to refill her coffee pot while John and I read:

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NCAA Division-1 National Football Playoff and Championship Series

PREAMBLE:  In order to establish an equitable, legitimate and orderly NCAA Division-1 National Football Championship.  The following conditions shall be observed:

1–There shall be a 64-team football playoff schedule to determine the Division-1 national champion.  The current conference championship games will be eliminated and replaced with the playoff scenario herein described. 

2–Each Division 1 team shall play a 14 game schedule.

3– Each of the 11 Division 1 conferences shall begin conference competition with the first contest of the season and continue until a conference winner is determined after game 8. No non-conference games shall be scheduled except for those schools that do not qualify for the post-season series.  In such instances, non-conference games will be scheduled for remaining 6 games of the 14 game regular season from among those teams that do not qualify for the playoffs.

4–The current 4-non-conference games are eliminated and 2 additional games are added.  This 14-game schedule permits each Division 1A and Division 1AA  Conference to determine its  champion from its 8-game regular season and compete, if eligible, for the National Championship in a 6-game National Championship Playoff:  8-conference games plus 6-playoff games = 14 game schedule.  

Those teams that fail to qualify for the playoffs after the first 8-conference games will complete the remaining 6-games of their schedule in match ups to be determined by their conferences.  

 5—The current post-season 35 Bowl Games and Conference Championships will be eliminated.  They will be replaced with 32 playoff contests totaling 64 teams. 

 6—The 64 teams shall be determined as follows:

         a– The two teams with the best records in each of the 11 Division 1-A conferences (22 teams) and the  top two teams of the 15 Division 1-AA conferences (30 teams) shall square off in 26 playoff games (52 of the 64 teams).

         b– The remaining 6 playoff games shall comprise the 12 teams with the best season records including a tie breaker (regardless of conference) formula devised by the NCAA.  This could include a combination of team and conference statistics (i.e. overall conference win/loss record).

 7—The two undefeated teams following the 6-playoff games will compete for the NCAA Division-1 National Football Championship on the first Saturday of January following the completion of the penultimate playoff game in November.

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Beverly returns, refreshes our cups.

“Wow?” I comment.  “Ditto, this actually makes sense,” John chimes in.

“Glad to do it.  Now you guys can fix that Washington Redskins name controversy,” dropping the bill on our table.

“Ugh…ouch…here’s that pain again,” we both bury our heads.